My doc asked, “It’s Valentine’s Day. How are you handling that.” He knew damn well what I would answer.
“It sucks, as usual.” Of course, I knew he wouldn’t let me stop there. He’d make me explain, going into detail. “I sent a Valentine’s E-Mail to Betty, said I’d give her a virtual hug, and virtual kiss on the cheek. Well… The other half saw it somehow, and that’s where the bruise on my left cheek came from. Never saw that coming.”
Doc was smiling. Never a good sign.
“I got a card for Halley at work. Said Have a Happy Valentine’s Day. That’s all it said! Nothing else. She brought it back to me, tore it in half, and tossed it in my trash can, and said if I ever did anything like that again, she was gonna report me for sexual harassment.” I shook my head. “I have no idea what I did wrong there.”
Doc was almost laughing. It was gonna be a long session.
“I gave Gina a tiny candy bar. A whopping 1.5 ounces. She made me eat it, all the while explaining to everyone how I was trying to make her fat. Then she slapped me, and stormed off.”
I shook my head, looked square in Doc’s eyes. “I fuckin’ don’t get these social holiday things. Maybe I should just give up on ‘em.”
I wrote this little ditty for the Love Bites Blog Hop, hosted by the Inklingettes. I couldn’t resist this blog hop. There are lots of really good stories in this one, from writers having fun striking back at Cupid and all the schmaltz of Valentine’s Day. Go read them all, and enjoy the holiday.
My Soul's Tears 
Whoever said Valentine’s Day is romantic lied – poor chap can’t do right for doing wrong here. I really feel sorry for him, great story!
She made him eat the candy, mocked him, and then slapped him?!
Poor guy! I’m stuck between just feeling sad for him and smiling like a loon.
Great story. =)
There must be many out there afraid of what to buy…for what the other half might be saying between the lines! Great read Mark!
Wonderful, this tale made me smile, you have a great way of telling it how it is.
Faint heart never ………. risked all those things. I feel sorry for the guy – pass him my way and I’ll show him that Valentine’s can be fun!
Every man’s nightmare…
Oh my!!! The poor chap is in for a long session but I hope the doc isn’t too hard on him because his heart is the right place … mostly!! 😀
A lesson in why men sometimes just give up on Valentines’; they can’t do right for doing wrong. Poor sod. What happened to ‘It’s the thought that counts?’ Some women expect too much; at least he tries and has a heart. x
LOL Poor guy. That therapist’s office is the right place to be. Hide him from those angry women.
My heart breaks for the poor guy… Very evocative.
I thought I had left a comment earlier in the week, but it seems to be gone. I thought this brilliant and perfect. Loved it.
I love this poor guy tyring to navigate the waters of social media–only multiplying his blunders in life! Great story