I Knew : Lost Knight (06/30/2010)

[Author’s Note: I knew what was coming. Some part of me knew. Some part of me knew that something in life was drastically, disturbingly wrong. Some part of me knew things had to change. As proof of this, I have only to look at my own words. Written in the days before the person I was died, and who I am becoming was born.

I’ll start with this piece. Written on 30 June 2010. Over 3 months before everything ended.]

Lost Knight

How do I hang on?
How do I keep going?
When all I want to do is

Scream.
Leave.
Go silent.
And watch it all burn
Until only ashes remain.

How do I hang on?
How do I care?
When nothing I do

Matters.
Helps.
Works.
And it all rushes headlong
Toward oblivion?

How do I explain?
How do I help?
When everything I touch

Goes dark.
And cold.
And dies.
And another part of me
Dies with it?

How can I hope?
How can I dream?

When the light has gone
Out.
And the darkness has returned.

And all I can see
Is black.
And all I can feel
Is cold.
And all I can want
Is escape.

And all I can say
Is silence.

As I watch the demons
Of the soul
Destroying everyone.
And everything.

God.

Turn my heart to stone.

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