I Fall

I spread my arms as I fall.
Like useless wings.
Fingers gripping nothing.
Then reaching once again for something
Anything
To hold.

And I fall.

I don’t know how far.
I don’t know how long.
I know I’ll never see the ground
As it approaches.
If the ground is even there.

There is no breeze.
No movement of the air
As I fall through it.
Though it flows past me.
Between my fingers.
Through my hair.
I feel nothing.
As if there is no air there.
No air at all.

It’s there, thought.
The air.
Because I still breathe.
I breathe in.
I breathe out.
I feel my lungs fill with air.
I feel my heart beat.
I feel my pulse.
I’m still alive.
Breathing as I fall.

I know there’s air.
Yet I feel nothing.
Nothing at all.

I move my arm.
Hold my hand before my face.
I can’t see it
In the dark.
I can’t see anything.
But black.

There is the night.
When the sun has set.
And the gentle light of stars
Fills the sky.
And you can watch the clouds move
The stars come and go.

But not here.
Not in the dark.
There’s no light.
No light at all.

I wonder
Will it hurt when I hit the ground?
Will I feel anything?
Or will I just be numb.
Locked in oblivion.

Will my bones break.
Shatter.
Turn to splinters.
Will I feel anything?
Or will I just be numb.
Locked in this dark
Oblivion.

And I hear that whisper
In my mind.
The one I’ve heard so many times.
That echoes endlessly.

“Let me be numb.”

So I don’t have to feel anything.
So I won’t know
When I reach the ground.
Won’t know
How long I fall.
Won’t know
Anything at all.

Then I wonder.
How do I know I’m falling
When I can’t feel anything at all?
When the air
Does not move past me?
And the ground never comes?
How do I know?

Perhaps I’m not moving at all.
Just hanging.
In empty space.
In nothing.
In the dark.
Waiting for the ground
That may never come.

Or maybe
Everything is falling.
Even the ground.
The air.
And that’s why nothing moves.

But something inside me knows.
Senses.
Feels.
The ground lies somewhere below.
Hidden in the dark.
And I will reach it sometime.

Somehow I know.
I’m falling
Through the darkness.
With my arms spread.
Like useless wings.
And my fingers grasping at nothing.

Waiting for the ground
To arrive.

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#MWBB Week 2-36 : When Darkness Falls

When darkness falls, I am free from you. In the light of day I’m trapped and must do everything you do, echo every move you make, mimic you. So you don’t know, so you can’t tell, so you won’t see the truth of me.

When darkness falls, I am free to move on my own. Without you.

Tonight, there is no moon, the sky is black, the stars are hidden behind the clouds of a storm. There are no shadows anywhere. I am free to move, walk, run, crawl, jump and dance.

In the darkness, I am free.

I wait beside you, on your bed, as you read stories of space ships engaged in magnificent battles, of fighters zinging through the vacuum, guided by heroes. I wait until you’ve had enough, and can’t hold your book up any longer. I wait as you lift your hand, and flip the switch on your bedside lamp, and the room goes dark.

And I am free.

I start by moving down the side of the bed, to the floor. I walk beneath you, looking up into the box springs, checking where the covers touch the carpet, Slip beneath the cedar chest at the foot of the bed, but nothing’s there.

Beneath and behind the chest of drawers, I find nothing. I didn’t expect to. If they are here, they will wait, hidden, until I leave the room, then they will come out, and whisper in your ear as they twist your dreams.

I check behind your bookcase, beneath your desk and chair. I carefully examine the pile of clothing you collect in the corner of the room each week, and the miscellaneous items, mail, papers, empty soda cans, and other things, you leave randomly scattered through your room and still I find nothing.

I slide beneath your closet door, into the dark world inside. I check the corners of the room, the insides of your shoes and boots, and the box of wrapping paper, looking for any signs of them. I find none.

I slip back into your room and stand at the foot of your bed, “I wonder where they are hidden tonight.” I consider staying in the room, standing guard all night. It is the only way to make certain they don’t twist your dreams. But I can’t stay. Freedom calls me. It drags me away.

Through the door, down the hall, to the living room, where my family members wait for me. My father shares the story of his battle last night, against one of them. He found it hidden beneath your father’s pillow. He shows us the new notch on his sword’s hilt, “Another one that didn’t get away.”

My mother hugs him, “My hero.” She kisses him. He blushes.

My sister suddenly looks nervous, “I haven’t checked beneath her pillow!” She dashes from the room, racing to your sister’s room. She draws her sword as she runs down the hall.

If they have hidden beneath your pillow, I will have to deal with them when I return to your room. For now, I stay with my parents. We walk to the front porch, then the foot of the driveway. It’s time to visit the neighbors. More of us, from each house along the street. We gather in the street each night, and tell our tales of glorious battles with the demons of the dark. I find I like visiting the girl three houses north of yours. I like her smile. And her growing curves. I especially like holding her hand, and dancing to the music of the birds singing in the night.

I never will forget the first night she kissed me.

Too soon, it ends. Dawn will arrive shortly. We have to return to our duties. I have to return to you.

I slip into your room, my sword drawn and ready. I sigh with relief as I see no shapes beside you, nothing whispering in your ear. I slide beneath the covers, and I wait for you to wake. And when you rise in a few short minutes, I’ll be your shadow once again.

688 Words
@LurchMunster


This is my entry for Year 2, Week 36 (Week 2.36) of Jeff Tsuruoka‘s Mid-Week Blues-Buster flash fiction challenge. This week the prompt is the song, “Long Black Curl” by Tuatha Dea. Please, go read the other stories in the challenge.

#VisDare 5 – Obscure

She walked out of the darkness on my first night above ground, and stood next to me. She wore only a sheer cloth which covered her from head to toe. She had pale blue eyes, hair black as night, full lips, and curves I’d only dreamed about. She was stunning.

“Who are you?” I asked.

She held a finger up to her lips, indicating I should be quiet, so I said no more. She took my hand, I let her lead me into the darkness. As we walked I heard a soft, musical voice that gradually grew stronger, clearer. I listened to the voice, and thought how beautiful the it was.

She stopped walking, faced me and placed my hand on her shoulder. I heard one word, though she never spoke, “Leighla.”

I thought my name, “Taran.” Leighla smiled and led me further through the darkness of the night.

150 Words
@LurchMunster


This piece is the second in a continuing story I’m working through for Angela Goff’s Visual Dare. Please read the other entries in this week’s Visual Dare challenge. I like all of them.

#FiveSentenceFiction : Vision

Dream sat on the grass by the lake, in the middle of the night, watching the surface of the lake reflect the image of the star filled sky. Whisper, as always, sat on her shoulder where he watched tears fall from her eyes, “Dear friend, I am not young, I am not new, and I can’t help but see how your heart aches, and your soul longs for someone you have not yet met, to hold you in the darkness of the night, and fill your dreams with light.”

Dream said nothing, not one word, but Whisper knew, as he looked into her eyes of blue, why those tears fell from her eyes, and why her heart ached on that night. He whispered in her ear, “Follow the vision of your heart, dear one, for it knows what to do, and it won’t lie to you,” then he spread his wings, and lifted from her shoulder.

With those words, Dream spread her wings and took to the sky, to follow the vision of her heart, to find the one to fill her dreams with light, and chase away the nightmares she dreamed on so many nights.


I’m trying something different. Each week, Lillie McFerrin hosts a Flash Fiction Challenge called Five Sentence Fiction. This is my first attempt at the challenge. There are some great five sentence works out there, from some great writing souls. Please, go read them all.

Safe In The Darkness

I stood, lost in the darkness, outside the clearing. She nonchalantly waited for me there, knowing she was safe. Knowing I protected her. A wolf enter the clearing, saw her, tucked its tail, lower its head and quickly crossed the clearing, leaving her alone. After a time a fox quietly approached her. Crawling along the ground. Whimpering. She gently scratched behind it’s ears. And the fox returned to the darkness it had come from.

“I know you’re there.” Her voice had always been music to my ears. “Won’t you come talk with me?” I remained silent, within the darkness, as I would until her nonchalance had burned away, and she would protect me in her world, as I protected her in mine. If that day ever arrived.

Even if it never did, she would remain safe in the darkness of my world. I would see to that.

I created this piece for the 28th #SatSunTails, hosted by Rebecca Clare Smith. Please go read all the entries for this weekly Flash Fiction Challenge. They are all works of art crafted by artists that paint with words.

Finding My Wings : For Timony

Sometimes, I feel so helpless.
Tonight is one of those times.
When I feel helpless.
Useless.
Frustrated.
Angry with God.

I read the words
Written by a friend.
Someone I have never met
In person.
And likely never will.

I’ve read her words
Many times before
In the past few months.
And my heart has ached,
And my soul shed tears,
For I know,
And I understand,
Oh so very well,
The pain within her words.

So, tonight.
I’m taking the time
To respond to her.
To the last words
She wrote.

“3:28 am
I’m awake”

In my darkest days,
I was awake at 3:00 am
More times than I can remember.
I lost count of the times
I took a 5 or 6 mile walk
In the dark.
Before the dawn.
Even in the ice
And snow.

It’s all I had.
All I knew to do.
To cope
With the aching of my heart.

“Sleeping tablets suck”

Then don’t take them.
Some things can’t be treated
With another pill.
Another medication.
I’ve learned that.
Some things
Just take time to heal.
I also learned that as I healed,
Sleep returned.
All on it’s own.

It was in those days
That I finally learned
Naps are OK
When you need them.
Maybe naps can help you to?

“I really should keep my mouth shut”

Oh, my.
I’ve lost count of the years
I’ve thought that very thing.
Used those very words.
I still use them.
Even now.
I have a name
For that part of my soul.
That darkness.
That silences me.
I call it “Silenced”.
And I fight it daily.
For I know the truth.
Each time the silence wins.
Part of me dies.
And my heart aches.
And my soul cries.

“Saying things out loud won’t change anything”

Then write.
Dream.
Tell stories.
Imagine.
But never let the silence win.
And if talking doesn’t change a thing.
The perhaps action will.
Maybe there’s something
You can do.
Like become the tail
That wags the dog.
Or taking walks
Like I did.
And a camera
In a flower garden
Is a way I’ve always found
My smile
Again.

“I want to hate something but it appears this whole being an emotional wreck and constantly crying is about all I can manage”

Hate is just a feeling,
Don’t you know.
And it’s OK to feel.
I’ve learned.
Evolving.
Growing.
Changing.
Can be painful.
But it’s no body’s fault.
Not yours.
Not theirs.

Have patience.
I know it’s hard.
God, how I know.
But that’s the only way
To see what grows
From the hurt
And pain
I know you’re in.

I cannot forget the words
My doctor spoke with me
Many months ago.
“Mark,
You’re like a butterfly
That’s just broke out
Of it’s cocoon.
And everything
Is new.”

Perhaps that’s becoming true
For you?

“I need a hug”

If I were there.
I’d give you all the hugs
You wanted.
For I know
Sometimes a person.
With a heart.
With a soul.
Just needs to know.
They are not alone.

“And I’m crying again”

If I were there,
I’d hand to you
My very own box
Of tissues.
You know that.
But I’m not.
I’m far away.
So I can only say
What I’d do.

“This is the important one: I’m going away. I’m not sure where, or for how long. But I won’t be posting here, Facebook, Google etc – I’ll still be working on the book, and I’ll probably let you know when it’s ready for purchase. But apart from that I shan’t be around.”

I understand.
I really do.
You take all the time you need.
To find you.
To learn the priceless gift
That your life is.
That you can feel
So many things.
To see that magic
In your eyes.
When you look into the mirror.
To hear the music
In your own laughter.
To see the beauty
Of your priceless smile.
A smile no one else
Can ever make.
Because it’s yours.

And know this too.

If you should some day wish
To share words once again.

Your friends,
And I
Will be here.
And we will always welcome you.

I Knew : Lost Knight (06/30/2010)

[Author’s Note: I knew what was coming. Some part of me knew. Some part of me knew that something in life was drastically, disturbingly wrong. Some part of me knew things had to change. As proof of this, I have only to look at my own words. Written in the days before the person I was died, and who I am becoming was born.

I’ll start with this piece. Written on 30 June 2010. Over 3 months before everything ended.]

Lost Knight

How do I hang on?
How do I keep going?
When all I want to do is

Scream.
Leave.
Go silent.
And watch it all burn
Until only ashes remain.

How do I hang on?
How do I care?
When nothing I do

Matters.
Helps.
Works.
And it all rushes headlong
Toward oblivion?

How do I explain?
How do I help?
When everything I touch

Goes dark.
And cold.
And dies.
And another part of me
Dies with it?

How can I hope?
How can I dream?

When the light has gone
Out.
And the darkness has returned.

And all I can see
Is black.
And all I can feel
Is cold.
And all I can want
Is escape.

And all I can say
Is silence.

As I watch the demons
Of the soul
Destroying everyone.
And everything.

God.

Turn my heart to stone.

Memories : This Heartbeat

It started in December.
Of 2010.
When I read a book.
And the author of that book
Wrote such simple words.

“Breathing in,
I am breathing in.
Breathing out,
I am breathing out.”

And slowly.
Day-by-day.
Things began
To fall into place.
To make sense.
For the first time
In many months.

And I started
To understand
What those words meant.
“Breathing in,
I am breathing in.
Breathing out,
I am breathing out.”

I began to realize
That when I felt down.
When I felt blue.
When I felt tense.
When I felt that stress
Across my chest.

It was time
For me to breathe.
Time for me to stop
Whatever I was doing.
And just breathe.

And that gave me
Time.
Time to think.
Time to clear my head.
Time to look
At what was going on.

I learned
To be here.
And now.
In this moment.
Not in the past.
Not in the future.
Not in anger.
Not in fear.
Not in depression.

I learned
To be here.

I learned
To smile.
To remember.
That I’m still alive.
That my heart still beats.
That my hands
Still feel everything.

I learned
That panic
Was not permanent.
It was only fear.

And anger
Was just a feeling.
Nothing more.

As I took the time
To breathe.
I learned the things  I felt
Were transient.
That over time
They change.

That everything changes.
And no matter where I was
In life in that moment.
The next moment
Could bring change.

That everything
That had happened
Up until that moment.
Was gone.
It could not hurt me.
Could not heal me.
Could not help me.
Could not scare me.
Any more.

For like a wave
On the ocean.
Once it comes ashore.
It’s gone.
And will return
Never more.

So today,
When I feel that fear.
That anger.
Or that emptiness.
I know.
Just to breathe.

And remind myself.
That it;s only transient.
And then it’s gone.
A part of my past.

And I am free
To face the moment
I am in.
Free to live
In this breathe.
In this heartbeat.

And that changed everything
For me.

One day at a time.

I write the words
Of this memory tonight.
For a friend of mine.
Whose heart aches these days.
Almost all the time.

I know what it is
When your heart aches.
And your soul
Cries tears of pain.

But maybe.
If you close your eyes.
And just take the time
To breathe.
And remember.

All any of us has
Is this heartbeat.
And nothing else.
Nothing more.

Perhaps that will help you
Like it has helped me.
To walk through your darkest days.
One step at a time.
One day at a time.
While the darkness
Fades away.

And once more
You find yourself
In the light
Of day.