#AtoZ2016 : N Is For Nothing

Nothing.

That’s what this world wants me to say.
Wants me to do.
Wants me to think.

Nothing.

I hear your voices.
“That’s not true!”
“That’s a lie!”
“There are people out there who treasure you!”

If only you knew.

What happens
If you sit at a table one day,
And the arrangement of the dishes,
The glasses,
The silverware,
Is all wrong?

What happens
If you go to a bookstore
And the author names
Are in alphabetical order
From right to left,
Not left to right?

I know what you’d do.
You might laugh.
You might find it irritating.
Even frustrating.
And you’d point it out.
How it was all wrong.

And more than a few
Would have to explain
How things are supposed to be.

And yet,
You tell me to speak out.
To say what I think.
What I feel.

You still don’t get it,
Do you.

Imagine how you’d react
If you went to open a book,
And the binding was on the right,
Not the left.
And you had to turn the pages
The wrong way.
From the back of the book
To the front.
Because that’s how they pages read.

Would you read the book?
Would you put it down?
Would you scream in frustration,
And proclaim whoever made the book
Should be shot?

Do you begin to see?

I’m that book.
With the pages backward.
And the binding on the wrong side.

People want to rip my pages out.
Re arrange them.
So they’re in the proper order.
So they read the proper way.
With the binding on the left,
Not on the right.

And,
If I can’t be that way.
If I can’t be a normal book.

Then I can go away.

“You’re wrong!
We’re not that way!”

Oh the words I’ve heard people say!

“You know how to do things
The right way!
You know how to be!
So be that way!”

Oh, the words I’ve heard people say!

What happens if you sit in a car.
And the steering wheel
Is on the other side.
The side it shouldn’t be on.

What happens if the brake pedal
Is where the gas pedal should be.
And the gas pedal
Where you’d hit the brake.

Is there anything wrong with that?
Do the gas and brake not work?
Could you drive a car like that?
With the brake and gas swapped?

Or would it anger you.
Frustrate you.
Irritate you.
Make you scream,
“This car’s all wrong!
It’s all fucked up!
No one can drive this thing!”

Do you begin to see?
I’m that car you hate.
The one with the gas and brake
In the wrong places.
Under the wrong feet.

And you have no idea
How many times you’ve screamed at me,
“You can’t be that way!
Get your act together!
Get your stuff straight!”

I know what the world
Wants to hear from me.

Nothing.

Nothing at all.

Not one damn word.

On anything.


It’s April 18th, and I’m a still one day behind on the A to Z Challenge for 2016. Only 12 more letters to write stories for this month.

Please, go explore the A to Z Challenge, and the sites of others who are participating in this adventure.

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “#AtoZ2016 : N Is For Nothing

  1. I am so sorry that you feel that way. Some of I can understand, for there are days when I feel like that, days when I’m not sure why I bother to do anything at all. But I love to read your writing, even the intensely painful stuff. Writing seems to be the only thing I’m good at too…

  2. Pingback: #AtoZ2016 : N Is For Nothing | Anita Dawes & Jaye Marie

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s