“You need to get more sleep at night,” she leaned forward, propping her head on her hands, her elbows on the restaurant table.
I sat there thinking, “Jesus, don’t say anything”, as I caught a good view right down the front of her shirt. Right between her knockers. The pattern of the lace on her pink bra revealed to my eyes. My fingers screaming, “Damn, I’d like to feel that lace!”, my mouth screaming, “Those sure would beat the hell out of a burger and fries!”, and my brain cells screaming, “She’ll slap your face across the room if you say or do anything related to what you’re eyeballs are drinking in!”
It was one of those views that you get. It’s there, but only for a few heartbeats. And you never forget it. And you sit up late at night, wishing you could sleep instead of wondering how her knockers taste, and if she’d be upset if you spent an hour letting your fingers explore the lace on her bra instead of exploring her.
“Yeah. I know.” I fell back to a safe answer. And safe behavior.
She reached across the table, her fingers lacing through mine. Every nerve cell in my hand screaming, “God! I’m in heaven!” while I tried to decide if I should let my fingers move, or remain frozen, like cut from stone. And my brain cells screamed at me, “find a way to acknowledge her action, but don’t give any hint how damn good it feels!” and I wound up with my hand softly holding hers, and my fingers screaming how much they wanted more, and my brain cells directing traffic again, “Behave, you slime! She’s concerned for your well-being. Maintain self-control.”
“What keeps you awake at night?” God, don’t look into her eyes! You look into her eyes, you get lost, and go stupid. And don’t look at her mouth either, ‘cause you’ll end up wondering what it tastes like, how it would feel to press her lips to yours, and to play exploratory games with tongues.
I stared at the table, then at our hands on the table, “I just don’t sleep well.”
“What do you think about?”
“Stuff.” I picked up my soda with my free hand, and took a big chug, big enough the carbonation caused my throat to burn, before I set it down. I even took the time to set the glass down softly, so it made no sound as it touched the table. And I kept my fingers on it, drinking in the cold of the ice filled glass.
What was I supposed to say? “I think about the things my body feels. And the things it wants to feel. About everything my fingers touch. My fingers never shut up. They feel the damn air as it moves past them. I can brush them endlessly, for hours, against velvet or terry cloth. And just be oblivious to everything else.”
“Maybe you should talk to a doctor about it.” Damn her and her eyes. Blue, no less. Blue eyes. And there I was, staring right into them.
My brain cells screamed, “Look away! Look away!” But I couldn’t. Any more than I could forget that view of her pink bra, and the valley between her knockers. And if I did manage to look away, I’d it wouldn’t make any difference, ‘cause I’d have spent hours that night staring at the ceiling of my room, remembering the exact shade of blue, and what it felt like when I finally slipped up and looked.
I managed to break away, and look at the table again. Then at my soda. “Maybe.”
And my brain cells screamed at me, “Find a way to get through this, and get back to work, so everything becomes safe again!”
Then I answered, “But I think it’s just a phase. The time of year. It comes and goes.”
That’s when she let go of my hand. And my fingers cried. They howled like little boys do when you take away their favorite thing. And she sat back up, and I caught one last glimpse of her chest.
And the world was safe again.