I ran for the door, but someone had taken the keys. I paused, looking at the car. “Crap!” I pounded the roof, causing the metal to dent. I grabbed my phone, and punched speed dial for 6, my lawyer.
“What is it now, Harry?”
“The keys to my car are missing.”
“They’re not missing, Harry. And they’re not your keys. They’re her keys.”
“She got the car too.”
I looked up at God, and the universe, and screamed.
“Now, Harry. That’s no way to behave.”
“No way to behave?” I stomped my feet. “No way to behave!” I held the phone out at arm’s length, and looked at it like it was stupid. “Really? Really?” I pulled the phone in, “She got MY car too?!”
“What can I say? The judge agreed with her.”
There were times I wanted to shoot that woman. Times I wish I had. Every time I reached that point, I suddenly calmed down. “Yeah. I can see that.”
“Where you recommend I stay?”
My lawyer was nothing, if not honest. “Skip town, Harry. Get a job somewhere. Making enough to live on. The judge will adjust how much you pay her.”
“Yeah. Start over.” There was a pause. “And, Harry? Don’t sleep around this time.”
“Yeah. I know.” I paused, remembering the times I never went home at night. The times I woke up the next morning in some gals apartment, or home. And she was in the bed with me. Naked. And it was obvious what we’d done.
“How many?” I asked.
“Too many, Harry. Too many.” After a moment, he said, “Use your credit card, Harry. While you still can. Get a ticket on a plane. Go somewhere you can find a job.”
“Anywhere.” He laughed. “You can even catch a taxi to the airport. And Harry.”
“No screwing around.”
He hung up. I stared at the phone. Then looked down at my crotch. “You know how much trouble you’ve aused?” Of course, it didn’t answer. Other than to send chemicals racing through my body. “And after all this, you still want to find a gal to bang?” I shook my head.
I ordered plane tickets to Phoenix. The flight left the next afternoon. I flagged a taxi. When to a bar. Had a drink. Danced with a pretty girl. Woke up the next morning, naked, in her bed. With her. I didn’t even remember her name.
I looked at my crotch. “Will you ever learn?”