Perhaps

I’m in hiding.
It’s true.
I’ve taken my abilities.
My technical skills.
Carefully crafted through decades.
And put them on a shelf.
In a cave.
Where no one can see them.

No one deserves to see them.
The last time I used them.
The last time I put them on display.
The last time they were visible.

I got wounded.
Gods, did I get hurt.
And I still feel that pain.
I suspect I always will.
Kind of like the way
My knees, and ankles ache
Every single day.
From the injuries
They have survived.

But at least I use them.

I don’t use the skills
I carefully crafted
Over 30 years.
I haven’t touched them
Since 2010.

My doctor tells me
Every week.
I need to use those skills.
There’s a marketplace for them.
People everywhere
That could use my help.
That I could share
All the things I know,
All the things I’ve learned.
To help people.

“Start a business of your own.”
That’s what he says to me.
Every single week.

He’s right.
I know.
If I do that.
I’ll use the skills I have.
The things I know.
To help other people.

And the crap.
The politics.
The social environments.
That tore my heart apart
Two years ago.

Those will be gone.
I won’t have to deal with them.
Won’t have to wonder
If I’m doing something wrong
In the land of work.
Every day that I wake up.

My interest is still there.
In the skills I’ve hidden.
I take them out
When no one can see them.
When I’m at home.
Alone.

And I use them.
All the time.
But I keep them to myself.
Because a world I never made.
Ripped my heart
Out of my chest.
And stomped on it.

And made me stand there
And watch
While they did.

That world does not deserve
Access to my skills.

That’s why my skills are hidden.
On a shelf.
In my home.
Where no one can see them.
Save for me.
And my family.

But perhaps.
Perhaps.
Perhaps.
I could be time
For another change.

Perhaps.

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