She Stepped On The Tripwire

I told my doctor,
Friday,
That I understood.
That I knew what had happened.
With her.

That she’d just been
In the right place.
At the right time.
To step on the tripwire.
That woke me up.

That it could have been anyone.
Other than her.
If it hadn’t been her,
It would have been
Someone else.
Maybe months,
Maybe years
Later.

She’d just been
In the right place.
At the right time.
To step on the wire.
That woke me up.

And because of that.
Because she was that person.
I’d never forget her.
I’d always remember
Her name.
Her smile.
The magic that I saw
In her eyes.
The music of her laughter.

That I’d been sitting there.
Static.
Unchanging.
In life.
For decades.
Waiting for someone to come along.
And wake me up.

And just by being who she was.
In that place.
And in that time.
She was the one
That stepped on the wire
That woke me up.

That I understood
If she had not been there.
Someone else
Would have come along.
Eventually.
And stepped on that wire.
And then that someone else
Would have woke me up.
And I’d remember them.
Not her.

I told my doctor
That I understood.
What had happened.
Two years earlier.
When my entire life
Changed.

All at once.

We spoke once again
Of how I can’t return
To the life I once had.
How I’ve evolved.
How I’ve grown.
Like a butterfly.
Escaping from its cocoon.
Not a caterpillar any more.

Leaving everything that was
Behind.
Able to take flight
On silken wings.

And at the same time,
Able to see everything
That was.
And to feel
My heart ache.
And unashamed
Of the tears
That my soul cries.

For the people I once knew.
That will never understand
What happened to me.
That will never see
The static world
That they live in.

My soul’s tears
Are for those I see
That are still there.
In the dark.
Static and unchanging.
That will never spread their wings.
And take flight.

That will do
Everything they can
To remain
In their cocoons.

Safe.
From the big world outside.
That frightens them.

My doctor and I both know
That I speak a language now
That the people I once knew
Just can’t understand.
And they don’t want to.

They’ll stay in their world
Where they believe
They are safe.
And sound.
And happy.

And never know the truth
Of the lives they lead.
And deny
Any of the words I write
That they may one day read.

For in the world
That they live in.
I didn’t evolve.
I didn’t grow.
I didn’t change.

In their view
I became broken.
And had to be removed.
So that they could be safe
From me.

In their view,
The journey that began
Two years ago
Is a very sad thing.
And rather than
Live with the hurt.
And the sadness
That they felt
At what happened to me.

They shut the doors
To the worlds inside
Of their cocoons.

And stayed
Where they are safe.
And every now and then,
When one of them remembers
Me.
I know they feel regret
At the way my time with them
Came to it’s end.

And they’ll never understand
What happened.

I told my Doctor,
Friday.
That I understood.
She was just that person
In the right place,
At the right time.
To step on the tripwire.

That woke me up.

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