Like I Have Always Known That I Wanted To

Sometimes,
I just sit here.
Staring at a blank screen.
An ocean of white.
And wondering
If I can come up
With anything to write
Tonight.

Funny thing about that.
For I’ve got lots of evidence
That all I have to do
Is sit here for a while.
And ramble.
And something shows up.

It’s not magic,
You know.
Writing.
It’s not magic.
For me,
It’s just learning
To list to the words
That are in my heart
And in my soul.

What angers me
About the things I write.
Now there’s a topic.
And I’ve got two answers.

It angers me
That I can’t find the words
To say the things
I wish to say.
And have to fumble around,
Trying to get words
That are at least
In the same ball park.

I fail at that.
I fail a lot.

I suppose it’s like
My Lady,
And her photography.
She takes pictures.
Zillions of them.
And more often than not,
A lot of what she takes
Ends up being deleted
From her memory cards
Right there.
On the spot.

I suppose that like
When I write something
That fills up the white space
On the screen.
And then don’t even bother
To save it.
‘Cause I think it sucks
That much.

The other thing that angers me
About the writing that I do
Is how many things
I have to write
That are trapped in my head.
And I can’t get them out.

It’s like I’m trying to drink
All the fresh water
On the Earth.
With a friggin’ straw.

Yep.
That’s gonna happen.
I’ve got just as much chance
To drink that much water
With a single straw
As I do of writing
Everything that’s in my head.

I throw away
A lot of dreams.
Like my Lady throws away
A lot of pictures.

And yet,
Through it all.
I always seem
To find a way
To write something
Again.

And every time I write.
I feel like I’ve done something
I wanted to do.

You have to understand.
For me.
Doing anything at all
That I want to do
If brand new.
And something I don’t really think
That I’ve ever done.

Not in all my days.

And I find
If I regret anything
That I’ve done
In this life
That I’ve been blessed with.
That life has given me.

It’s that I waited
So very long
Before I started
Writing.

Like I have always known
That I wanted to.

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