A Little Optimism, Please

She’s hurt.
And I know that.
And I have no idea
What to do.
What I can do.
Or even if there’s anything
That I can do.

But I will find a way.
I gave my word
To her,
And to God too.
So I will find a way
To help my friend.

It’s just what I do.

And I’m beginning
Too form a plan.
Step by step
And day by day.
Me having a plan
Is nothing new.

But what I plan to do
In this plan I’m writing
Is something
That I’ve never done
In all my days.

I’m going to experiment
With this optimism thing.
See.
I’ve been learning things.
Like I always do.
And I’ve learned
That faith helps people through.
So does the knowledge
That other people
Pray for you.
And care for you.

I slept on this last night.
Remembering all the science news
That I’ve read in my life
About how people cope
When things aren’t going well.

I know from what I’ve read,
And studied,
What it is that people do.
And I can’t help but understand
The science that’s behind
What happens,
And what people do.

What I find interesting
In the story of my friend,
And what she’s going through
Is  how no one knows the words,
Or the ways to explain
Why they do
The things they do.

The only thing
She’s ever said to me
Is, “I don’t need this now.”

What the hell does that mean?

That’s what started me thinking
Last night
Before I went to bed.
And kept thoughts flowing
Through my head
Throughout my night.

It seems to me
That this is one
Of those unspoken things.
That neurotypical people
Just know to do.
That it’s covered
By that unspoken language
That they have.
That I’ve never understood.

And I likely never will.
Because I never sense at all
That unspoken language
That people have.

Sometimes it like
I’m blind.
Or deaf.
Though my eyes
And ears
Both work very well.

But at long last,
Having studied psychology
Off and on for years,
And read tons of science news,
And having spent a lot of time
Working with my friend.

I think I finally
Understand
What she’s asked of me.

“I want a little optimism.
Please.”

So I’m working on a plan
To find positive things
That I can share
With my friend.
In the hopes
That I finally understand
What she’s asked
Of me.

Not that I really know for sure
If she’s asked
For anything at all.

That’s the joy
Of being me.
And living
With my ASD.

Sometimes
I just don’t have a clue.

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