Why Am I Sad Tonight?

Why am I sad tonight?
Why am I blue?
Why do I feel the sadness
That I do
Tonight?

I could say
It’s just that time of year.
Winter.
December.
The holidays.
A time of year
That’s miserable for me.
And has been.
Always.

But that’s no longer true.
For me to say that
Would be for me
To lie.

I’m a horrible liar.
Always have been.
Always will be.
Just the way I am.

So, I stop.
And I force myself
To breathe.
To breathe in.
And to breathe out.
To focus on my breath.

I do this because
It reminds me
What  a priceless gift it is
From life,
To just be able to breathe.

To feel my lungs
Fill up with air
As I breathe in.
To feel my breath
Draw away
All the stress and tension
Of the day
As I breathe out.

In breathing I wake up.
And I can see
That the sadness I feel
Is not what it at first
Seemed to be.

No.
The sadness is true.
The sadness is just.
Because of all the people
That I call my friends
That are not feeling well
Today.

Some of them call it
The flu.
I don’t believe it is.
Although I know
That it’s a virus.
And a nasty one at that.

The people that I work with
Have had it.
Almost all of them.
There are just a few of us
That didn’t come down sick.

It’s one of those things
Where your whole body aches.
And you’d best
Not eat a thing
For a day or two.

Everyone that came in
While they were still sick
And tried to work
Looked awful.
Looked miserable.
They were roasting.
Coated in sweat.

We sent them all home.

And right now,
For the past few days,
It seems to me
That the same nasty thing
Has went around at work
Has now turned up
At the church
That I’ve been going to.

And I’m sad
Because it bothers me
That those I call my friends
Are in such misery
This close to
December 25th.

But, I’ve learned a lot
In the past year
And a half.
And one thing that I’ve learned
Is that this sadness
That I feel
Is just a feeling.
Nothing else.

And I’ll take care of it.

By wishing all my friends
A happy holiday.
And praying
That they get well soon.
And doing what I can
To help my friends
Find their smiles
Again.

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