I Gave My Word

There’s a song I like.
It’s by a group called
Within Temptation.
The song’s name is
“Stand My Ground”.

It has this chorus that repeats
Several times.

“Stand my ground, I won’t give in
No more denying, I’ve got to face it
Won’t close my eyes and hide the truth inside
If I don’t make it, someone else will
Stand my ground”

I’m learning why the words
Of that chorus echo inside of me.
Why I like those words
So much.

It’s because I’m trying to learn
To stand my own ground.
To not give in.
And not give up.

And part of doing that
Is learning
To keep my word.
And I gave my word
Back in October.
That I’d write something
Every day.

Even if I couldn’t think
Of anything to say.

So, here I sit tonight.
On the sofa in my home.
When what I want to do
I go to bed.
And sleep.

Instead.
I’m writing down the words
That are right here.

Because I said I would.

And that’s really
All it takes.

But, you know.
In this past week
A friend talked with me,
And reminded me
Of some of the other things
I said I’d do.

Like how I’ve said
That all she ever has to do
Is ask.
And ask she did.
“There’s too much in this world
That’s so very negative.
I don’t need any more things
That are negative.
I want some positive
To help me deal
With all the things
I’m going through.”

And my zillion brain cells
That don’t understand at all
The social workings
Of the world,
Did the math.
It’s really just a
Boolean algebra thing.
And the binary math
Told me what to do.

Of course,
Most people that I know
Would have just known
What she’d said.

And, well…
After that happened,
I wound up doing
Lots more math.
And that reminded me
Of all kinds of things
That I’d said I’d do.

Like how I’d create dreams,
And wishes to.
Bringing them to life
As written words.
And share them
With the world.

Or how I’d find ways
To help people
Find their smiles again.
Because there’s just
Too few smiles
In this world
These days.

So, I’m hanging tough tonight
And writing something.
Just because I gave my word.

I find it’s good
To have such friends
As the ones I have now.
That can remind me
Of the promises
I’ve made.

So, I guess
There’s a few things
I have to try again
In the coming days.

Like maybe
Going back to church.
Since I did give my word
That I’d try that for a while.
And that I’d make
An honest try
To see how things worked out.
And try to find a balance
Between my autistic ways,
And the ways
Of the people at the church
That I’ve been going to.

After all.
I did give my word
That I’d try.

Just like I gave my word
That I’d write.

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