Days And Months

Then there was the time
That my little mind
Decided I should have some fun
And do something
Completely different.

It started with
The days of the week.
Because
Having the same seven days
Every single week
Sometimes just gets old
Doesn’t it?

Hence Monday became Moan-day.
The day that we all moan
About having to get up,
And go to work
After we’ve played Weekend Warrior,
And it hurts to breathe,
Let alone move.

Tuesday became the obvious,
Twos-day.
The day when no one
Can have just one
Of anything they get.
Two cups of coffee in the morning
Instead of the usual one.
Two sodas at lunch,
‘Cause two’s twice as fun.
Two drinks for dinner,
Just to forget the day.

Wednesday then tuned
Into Winds-day.
The day when everything
Gets blown away
By the wind that blows.
Even if there’s no wind
To be found
Outdoors.

Thursday got renamed
As Thirst-day.
In honor of the way
That on Thursday’s
I’m worn out.
And just want to sit
On my sofa.
And drink about a gallon
Of tea and water.
And sometimes both.

It goes without saying
That Friday became Fried-day.
The day that everyone declared
That I was fried,
From having worked
The way I worked
For four days already.

It took me several years
To figure out
What to rename Saturday.
But I finally settled
On Shatter-day,
In honor of how useless
That I tend to be
Most of that whole day.
As useful as a shattered
Plate glass window.

Once I figured out
That Saturday was Shatter-day.
That left Sunday
As the only day
I had not renamed.
And it remained Sunday
Until I had an entire string
Of Sundays that were filled
With surprises to me.
That’s when Sunday turned into
Stun-day for me.

But, you know.
I just couldn’t leave
Well enough alone.
So I decided
I’d redecorate the names
Of all the months.

I turned January
Into a sanctuary for birds
That was dedicated to
Someone named Jainey.
Hence the month was named
Jaineyary.

February became
The name of a brewery
Somewhere in the world,
When to me it’s name became
Feb-brewery.

The name of March
Just didn’t change.
What was there to change it to?
I have to admit
I thought a bit
About prepending the word
Forward to it.

I’m thinking now
That I probably will
Rename March
In the coming year.
In honor of the spring thaw.
Where the ground everywhere
Turns into mud,
Like you can find
In a Marsh.

And does anybody know
What A Pril is?
Me neither.

May is one of those months
That I couldn’t figure out
What to do with.
But if I ever figure out
How to change it’s name,
I’ll have to make sure
That I make that new name known.

June became the first
Of the redneck months.
I suppose it was inevitable,
Because of the number
Of sunburned necks
That you see
At that time of year.
June became
“Ju ‘n…”
As in “Ju ‘n me are going to the beach
To roast there in the sun,
And burn ourselves to crisps.
So that we can learn
What a redneck is.

In honor of rednecks
Like Jeff Foxworthy,
I could not resist
Continuing with another
Redneck word
In July.
So I turned July into,
“Ju lie!”,
As in “Ju lie, Jim-Bob! Ju lie!”

August ends the redneck months.
With an apology.
“Aww, Gus…”
As in “Aww, Gus… I’m sorry.”

September marks the end
Of Summer once again.
So I had to change it’s name
To be indicative
Of how we have
To step over
The embers of summer,
Into fall.
So September became
Step-Ember.

October,
As everyone now knows,
Is the month we celebrate
That thing called German beer.
With a celebration named
October Fest.
And what better way
To celebrate October Fest
That with an
Octo-Beer…

Does anybody hear
Know Vember?
Don’t worry about that.
I don’t know her either.

December causes meltdown
Every single year
In the budgets
Of families everywhere.
And when there’s a big fire,
All that’s left is embers.
So it was inevitable
That I would rename December
As Deck-Ember.
The month when we all have to deal
With the burnt out remains
Of our financial lives.

And that’s what happened
To the names of all the days,
And all the months.
When I decided
I was tired of calling them
The same thing all the time.

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