Finding My Wings : The Warrior I Wish To Be

I have said
That I wish to become
A compassionate,
Tender hearted,
Caring
Warrior.

And that I’m learning,
Day by day,
How to do just that.

Let me share with you
Something that I’ve learned
About becoming
What I wish to be.
About becoming
The warrior.

Chogyam Trungpa writes,
In his book called,
“Shambhala”,

Fear has to be acknowledged.
We have to realize our fear
And reconcile ourselves with fear.

We must face the fact
That fear is lurking in our lives,
Always,
In everything we do.

As I have said before,
I have learned
That when I’m angry.
When I’m frustrated.
If I stop
And take the time
To look for the causes
Of my anger
And frustration.
I find they’re caused
By fear.

That it is my natural reaction
To gear up for conflict
When I am afraid.

It doesn’t really matter
What I am afraid of.
Only that I am
Afraid.

Because we posses such fear,
We are also potentially entitled
To experience fearlessness.
True fearlessness
Is not the reduction of fear,
But going beyond fear.

Anyone that’s lived
For more than a few years
Has had to learn
To face their fears.
That you have to do things
That scare you.
Like job interviews.
Meetings at the office.
Presentations.
And so very many other things.

Fear is natural.
Everyone gets it.
Everyone’s afraid.

So to deal with fear
In the appropriate way,
I have been learning
Not to go to war.
Not to turn angry.
Not to bury my fear
Beneath my anger.

It’s been a very hard thing
For me to learn.
To acknowledge
When I am afraid.

But I’ve learned something else,
As I’ve learned to admit
To myself
When I am afraid.

I’ve learn
That fear is a normal thing.
Just another feeling
That I have.
That comes
And goes away.

That just like feeling happy,
Or feeling sad,
Or feeling angry.
Sometimes I feel afraid.

And that the warrior
That I wish to be
Accepts the fear he feels.
And continues on.
That warrior moves
Beyond being afraid.
He embraces fear
As a warning
To be careful.
As a signal
That he needs to help
Someone around him.

I’ve learned that fear exists
For a reason.
And if I don’t run away
When I am afraid.
But instead
Walk with my fear.
I learn why
My fear is there.

And that lets me
Move beyond my fear.
So that I can take care
Of the thing that caused me
To be afraid
In the first place.

But then,
As you experience this sadness
More and more,
You realize
That human beings
Should be tender
And open.
So you no longer need
To feel shy or embarrassed
About being gentle.
In fact
Your softness begins
To become passionate.

I have found
That beneath my fear
There is always something
That I care about.
There is always someone
That I care about.

I am afraid
Of being unemployed.
Because I care
So very much
About my family.

I am afraid
That one of my friends
Could leave this Earth one night
While she is asleep.

I am afraid
That one of my friends
Has an injury
That may cause her
To live in pain
For years and years.

I am afraid
That one of my friends
Is facing
The demon of depression.
A nightmare
That I understand
So very well.

The are so many fears
That I’ve found I have.

But I’ve learned
It’s OK
To be afraid
For one of my friends.

It’s OK
To be afraid
Of something that I’m facing.
Of something that a friend
Is having to go through.

And I’m learning
That what I ought to do
Is what I tried to do
For a friend
I used to have.

To show my friends
That I care for them.
And the pain,
And fear,
That I can’t help but see
That they are in.

You are so tender and open already
That you cannot help opening yourself
To what takes place all around you.
When you see red
Or green
Or yellow
Or black,
You respond to them
From the bottom of your heart.
When you see someone else
Crying or laughing
Or being afraid,
You respond to them as well.
At that point,
Your beginning level of fearlessness
Is developing further
Into warriorship.

The idea of warriorship
Is that the warrior
Should be sad and tender,
And because of that,
The warrior can be very brave as well.

This is the warrior
That I want to be.
That I am meant to be.

The compassionate,
Tender hearted,
Caring
Warrior.

At last
I truly am
Finding my wings.

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